So due to some legal things this weeks article has to be postponed to next week, so I thought I’d write an article about working in the film world with friends and how that relationship can effect your friendship. Hope you enjoy!
I’ve been told that going into business with friends and family is often something to avoid when possible. But what if you and your best friend are so close, so “two in the same” that you both end up pursuing a common love? And what if your both really good at it? Add on top of that, you and your best friend are so compatible its obvious you’re the light to the others dark. You're so like-minded that when you do it together it’s so natural, you make each other better at it. Well, then you’d find yourself in the same boat I find myself. And in that boat with me is the man I’d like to introduce you to, he’s known as “My best friend Tom Finn”. Tom, not only being my best friend, is somewhat tied together with me in a weird production relationship. Although this “Production-ship” is fairly new, it was inevitable as it seemed to be a leg in our friendship. Whether or not it’s a healthy aspect in our life’s, “being on” or “putting on a show” seems to be how we spend most of our days together. Gone were the days of just hanging out, we found our self frequenting coffee shops, trying to make each other laugh playing improve games and practices to make the time go by. And an idea that stemmed from an improve game, turned into a little movie known as “Ghoul Catchers”.
First off to Tom, or anyone who works with us, I hope you know how much I love working with you. What we do is often crazy, but it’s unbelievable to be apart of. And as proud of our work as I am, I don’t really know why I never posted about this film, or why I never posted about the last film we released a year ago. I’d like to think its not my ego that gets in the way of my actions, but with this I think it may have been. Funny enough, “ego” is often described as something someone uses as a defensive mechanism, almost as a weapon against others, and that couldn’t be any further from the truth in my case. I wish I had more of an ego to feel comfortable in posting some of my/our work. Whether with films, photography or acting, this issue seems to be prominent in all I do. Let’s get something straight, although I have no issues being on a stage, or performing, I am most comfortable behind the camera. I can handle lines and dialog fine but lets be real, I am in no way an “actor”. But yet I’ve stared in the last two productions I’ve be an actor in, and both have been feature length films. Totally transparent, here’s to my ego: I’ve always been told I was funny, I often make people laugh and that’s one of my favorite things to do. I know I have a good personality and am a “good time”. Im talented infront and behind the camera but with that being said, I don’t think I can ever be called “bubbly”, hell I’m told to smile more almost everyday. I’m in no way the “Light” to someone’s “Dark”, and the issue with me on screen is that the characters I play are the opposite of who I am and I don’t feel comfortable “being” or even having something perceive me as that person. So why do it? Well, I didn’t/don’t do it for me and my ego, I do/did it for Tom. I invest my self in things I believe in, and I believe in him. Even if we weren’t best friends, I’d see the talent and the effort he puts into his work and I’d reciprocate that, and then some. As I’ve expressed in past articles, productions and the film industry are funny, and that’s without working with friends and family. Productions often fail because of personal issues between people, and failing outs between key players. Theres a lot of strain on people, since shooting days are long and you’re usually with the same people for countless hours day after day. Its no wonder why a film set can make 2 people either fall in love, or drive them away forever. And unfortunately whether or not Tom knows it, this last production we were on probably put the most strain on our friendship to date.
Whether tom or anyone knew my struggles with working on this film, it was something I really had to battle with at almost every shoot. Because we are a bunch of friends on an independent production, using all our own gear, resources and time, it’s understandable when I say shoot are often felt rushed and chaotic. Now with my frequently crazy production days, the only time to get shooting done turns out to be when you should be sleeping or recovering from your 12 hour day job, then have to go star in an Indy film with our friends, doesn’t always sound like a lot of fun. There were often moments where I just didn’t want to be there, I didn’t want to do it. On top of having a day job, working on other productions, now this? More free work to go to something I’m sure no one will see? why is Tom making me do this? I’m embarrassed to say this is what I was thinking. In retrospect, I know there were other things influencing my emotions. When I see the final film, its evident that I was struggling with my eating. For a production that only took a month, my weight loss towards the end is something often noticed. With an unhealthy mind and body, this built into an unfortunate situation revolving and leading to resentment. There were some nights I really felt like I was either missing out on something I either deserved or needed for myself, and there were some nights I’m sure no one wanted to be around me on set, not even Tom. And theres a weird power dynamic shift that often happens when you start to either work for or under a friend. Now I will never blame my actions on my issues because they are not an excuse. I decided to act/say/do everything, and I hold all the weight. This was a brutal, cold and long production but there were moments I needed to go through, and emotions that needed to be felt for me and Tom's relationship and we were put to the test. But with this, so much has come from this experience. We’re more open with each other, communication has never been better and we have a deeper love and appreciation for each other than ever before. This was a difficult yet necessary growing experience I’m happy we went through, and I’d like to think I learned something more than this from this production. I learned a lot about myself. It’s hard to work with your friends, there are pressures and stresses you wouldn’t consider if you swapped them for a stranger. The idea of letting someone down upsets me, but letting down my best friend is something I can’t live with. This production probably couldn’t have happened at a worse time for me. Slipping away into a relapse, working essentially 2+ jobs and then filming this whenever possible, and trying to keep myself happy with the reflection in the mirror seemed to be an impossible task. What I was doing was feeling uncomfortable about more than just my weight and what I looked like, I was uncomfortable about my “everything”. And I took it out on the people around me, and for this, I am sorry. I am sorry to the crew, my friends and Tom. I am so god damned proud of what we do and what we’ve done. So with that, Ghoul Catcher for life.
Ok i'm done complaining now, no more pity talk and really what I want to say is this… You know whats the best? You know what’s fucking awesome?! Seeing and working with my best friends and watching how talented they are. I’m so lucky to have a select few friends and holy shit are they talented. My best friend is one of the best comedic writers I have ever read, and another one is a fucking Jersey Boy, and that’s just from this shoot alone. They’re my best friends and I’d do anything for them, want to know why? Because they accept me, all of me. And if there really is anything I did learn from this production it was the beginning of my accepting of myself. So if you’re reading this and struggling, I love you, your friends love you, your family loves you. If you don’t think you’re enough or worth the love? You’re wildly outnumbered. So flip the switch, treat yo’ self, and realize what you’re missing out on.
So please if you’re interested in checking out of film, the trailer link is listed below!
https://vimeo.com/338297564?fbclid=IwAR0uiW3gJnLa9hT1VUtLSTKQUyjgFFWHyKFkgTICac04v17zK9Otz8leeT4