There’s a great quote I’d like to start off with, “We have two lives, and the second begins when we realize we only have one.” If this makes you question the purpose of your life, then good. If it makes you think about why and how you do what you do, then good. If you think, “I wouldn’t want to live a different life, or change anything in my life”, then good. Well, I can mark my life in 2 distinct parts, the first life was a life filled with love, triumph, pain, friends, sports and music. It wasn’t perfect but I wouldn’t have traded that life for anything. But the reason for you being here is because I’m about to start my second life. Although the outcome, nor where I find myself, wasn’t exactly intended, I can tell you subconsciously it was necessary and I am now where, and who I truly belong to be.
In retrospect, I can see the confusion in people when they hear about what was inevitably my culprit demise. Talking about mental illnesses are difficult for many reasons, often one feels it makes them weak, and because rarely physical it’s hard to be aware of someone’s struggle. It’s a personal wound and when not dealt with it can be deadly. What people on the outside don’t know is that, there’s often nothing someone on the exterior can do to change how someone feels on the inside. The “darkness” that’s often officiated with mental illness is a pretty good analogy because that’s what someone struggling sees when they look in and try to figure out why they are hurting. Its dark and it’s been my understanding that the only way to really get out of a struggle is an awakening within yourself, literally by shedding light on the issue. The hardest part? Wanting to find and fix the issue, even having a light, holding it desperately shining it all over your life, you often still can’t see the issue in the darkness. That’s when no matter how hard we “mentally ill” try and still can’t find hope, after failing over and over again, trying to find the issue to change it but cant, we just have to give up. It really seems like the only option. In truth we want to fix and change the issue, but we are alone, we're alone in the dark. The proximity of another human in the world seems so far away because we’ve been searching in our minds for so long, we feel weak, we get lost in our own thoughts and everyone else seems so far away. We’re all alone, and the flashlight is losing battery power, and it’s dark, and its only getting darker.
As I write this I am comfortable enough to say that in my past I have struggled with mental illnesses. Issues and steep falls into depression and anxiety have been pretty prominent in my life but they were not the most severe. At 22 I was diagnosed with Anorexia and found myself at the lowest point of my life. 26 now, a recovering anorexic, I’m lucky enough to be alive and understand that this does not define me. None of these illnesses have or will. What I do with my life and how I do it will define me. Today I am a filmmaker, a photographer, a history lover and a brother and son to the greatest family in the entire world. This is what I do. I come from the most supportive and accepting family and they have been the biggest blessing in my life. I am extremely thankful and lucky to have a caring and understanding support system but that’s not the case for everyone. The unfortunate fact of the stigmas surrounding mental illnesses still hold power and are the reason why too many people stay silent about their struggles. If you look at the data, mental illnesses are on the rise, suicide rates have never been higher and more people suffer from depression and anxiety than ever before. But why? We live in the greatest time in human history and we have more advancements than ever thought imaginable. So really why are people so unhappy? This question needs to be asked and I think there is an answer, but on a personal level I’m more curious to why do we let these struggles go unannounced and unnoticed for so long. Maybe people don’t reach out because there's an interpersonal emotional disconnect. Maybe people just settle with their struggles because it seems hopeless, or its been happening for so long, they just accept and grow used to it without fully understanding it. When I was younger I often felt depressed and anxious, and I don’t think I knew exactly what these feelings were. After failing over and over again in trying to understand where it stemmed from, I couldn’t figure out exactly why I was anxious. This lack of assurance and understanding turned into the struggle that led to my depression. This horrible diss-eased couple led me wanting to often disappear, and when they told my brain I should disappear, I tried and almost succeeded to physically disappear. As a more experienced person in recovery, I no longer wish for these things or outcome. And throughout time my struggle would often fluctuate with seriousness and intensity, but there’s one thing that has been a constant help and that's opening up and exposing myself of these issues.
(Tone shift)
Let me introduce to you the pride of Long Island, Colin Moriarty. Colin, born on Long Island, resides in Santa Monica and is the host of “Colin's Last Stand”. CLS is a podcast company that has a couple of conversational series’, one in particular is called “Fireside chats”. Fireside chats is a podcast between Colin and an “eclectic” guest. Recently he requested for people to reach out to him to be a guest if they have an interesting story to tell. Without really thinking of hearing back from him, I decided to reach out and see if I fit the mold, and he believed I did. Cut to a couple months later and I found myself sitting across from the man himself, telling him and his audience about my life struggles with mental illness. Now let’s rewind to a couple months before, and I find myself sitting in my bedroom at 3 am staring at a scattered word document trying to piece together what I want to say. I figured I’d start with just opening up, about everything. Fully transparent. This wasn’t new to me exactly, years in therapy supplied me with enough experience and intellect on where my issues stemmed from and it’s at least a good start off point. But I knew if I really believe in this idea of being and living with honesty and truth, I must act on that in every front. So this became the goal, be completely open, accept and expose your weakness and be transparent. The funny thing? It wasn’t hard. After dragging myself through the shit of remembering/reliving all the times I was struggling, It was so refreshing just accepting my choices and my decisions in life that got me where I am. I found that being fully exposed is the only way to be open enough to accept the things you need to accept. And it was this life lesson that I lead every day with. The best part of my journey with this is that I’ve been lucky enough to create this connection with people, and apparently I've helped them. The feedback I’ve gotten from people who I’ve helped or have reached out to me, has been so eye opening and so soul fulfilling, it’s clearly become the leading aspect of my new purpose in life. Being on Colin’s podcast wasn't just an amazing experience because I was a fan, it showed me that there are so many people out there asking the similar questions I asked and are searching for the same type of purpose filled life. If helping people seems to be my purpose conversing with people about their passions can help them realize the art of being true to living their purpose, then how do I not lead by example and make this my job? Again, it wasn’t a hard decision. So learning from Colin and believing in myself I am more than proud and happy to share with you my purpose, welcome to The Art of Passion Project.
So what does this project mean? well, I believe when people do what they love, truly love they do it so honestly and purely that whether it’s baking, accounting or being a priest, their work becomes art. In short the Art of Passion Project is going to be a podcast, film and photography series with weekly articles and blogs on each featured guest. As a history major, I am enamored about why people did what they did, what was their purpose, their goal? My favorite part of connecting with people is watching, learning and experiencing them living out their passions and fulfilling their purpose in life. And I think a lot of people enjoy these often educational conversations so why not create a platform and deliver these talks to you, an audience? But not only will I be delivering this as a podcast, I will be doing a film series on the subject as well, a brief video of the featured guest in the act of their passion with a selected slew of questions and a photography series of them performing their field. There will even be an article from my POV on the subject, why I chose them, what they do, and what went into their interview. If you’d like to make a donation to my project or become a monthly contributor and support me, you can through my Patreon. There will be content tiers that you can select, and the more you decide to give, the more perks you will get. This project of mine is my life’s purpose, this is my job now, and I am so lucky to understand this and act on it. So I hope you listen, watch and view my work as I bring to you. This new path and direction in my life of sharing peoples ideas, passion and the happiness of people living their passion. It has been an unbelievable start and I hope it leads to building a beautiful community that I can share with all of you. I’m lucky to have a second chance at living a truly purposeful life. Instead of the idea and the fear of “I wouldn’t want to change anything” in my life, I now find comfort in wanting to change. In particular change through growth, from the lessons taught from the lives of people who have something to show, by people who have something to add. I want to keep growing, learning, sharing and accepting. And I know to accept things you must be open to receive, so I am open. Truly, officially and happily open to it all and I can not wait to bring my passion to the world. I cant thank Colin enough for the opportunity to speak on his podcast and I hope you listen to it and support him as well. Please follow me on my social media, my website or at my Patreon. I love you all, but don’t forget to love yourself as well.
Listed Below is my Patreon, underneath that is the link to Colin and my conversation, and below that is a link to a video of me speaking about my anorexia at an eating disorder conference.
Thank you all<3
https://www.patreon.com/ArtofPassion